it's longing but you keep it at bay
by gracecavendish
Summary: A homesick Fitz seeks comfort in his best friend; Jemma gives some words of reassurance and a promise of returning to the familiar.


Okay so this is my first Fitzsimmons fic and I don't think it turned out to be that good at all but hey I'll get better with practice hopefully. Anyway recently I've been reading a lot of Jemma is homesick situations so I thought I would flip it around a little.

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The harsh wind rattling against his window was a strong reminder of how truly far away Leo Fitz was from home. It was part of their job; he had to remind himself, being away from that feeling of security was what he signed up for when joining the team.

It didn't make it any easier.

He leaned back against his pillow, stretching his legs out across the bed and stared up at the close ceiling of the enclosed bunk. Fitz had never been particularly attached to the holiday season, but perhaps it was the life threatening situations he'd recently experienced that caused this feeling of longing. Longing for comfort, safety, home, and the fact that Christmas was right around the corner was just another reminder of how catastrophically different his life was compared to the previous year. It wasn't as if he didn't, for lack of a better word, _enjoy _being in the field but it was times like these when he was alone with nothing but the sound of the wind to keep him company that Fitz realised how desperately he wanted that feeling of ease, the scratchy woollen quilt, the precarious pile of textbooks stacked on the edge of her desk, Jemma's laugh when he refused to get up in the morning.

Here everything was different.

The constant threat of danger was a heavy weight that loomed over him ever since Simmons had chosen to hurl herself off the plane to a 30,000 foot drop. It wasn't as if he hadn't considered field work dangerous before, the threat of losing their lives was his primary argument when Jemma had first come to him with the proposal of joining the team, but it wasn't until the notion of losing her had become so very real that he understood his fear and how tangible the separation of Fitzsimmons could be.

He couldn't sit here anymore.

His body flew into a frantic state as he slid open the door of his sleeping quarters and walked the short distance to Jemma's bunk. But once he reached the door he had no idea what he was doing or what he even planned to say. Just as Fitz turned to leave the door slid open to reveal a half-awake Jemma Simmons peering up at him and rubbing her eyes.

"I thought I heard someone lurking out here," she smiled and made room for Fitz to step inside. He hesitantly took a few steps forward.

"I don't really know what I'm doing here," he whispered staring at the floor. Simmons slid the door shut,

"Sit down, Fitz."

He complied, placing himself at the end of the bed, his body facing the now closed door. Jemma sighed before gently placing herself beside him.

"What's bothering you?" She asked lightly,

"I don't know how to explain it without sounding like an idiot," he sighed, gaze not shifting from the door in front of him. Jemma laid her hand over his,

"It's okay to be upset Fitz," she replied softly. Fitz turned to face his partner,

"I just, I miss feeling…" he trailed off, unable to find the right word.

"Safe?" Jemma offered. Fitz smiled for the first time since they began talking.

"Yeah," he began, "not that I don't _want _to be here, but, I just wish I didn't constantly have to worry about our lives being in danger, about _your _life being in danger," he finishes quietly, he can't help the jolt of emotion that comes with the memory of her falling into nothingness.

"Leo," Jemma mumbled quietly before moving closer and entwining their fingers,

"Sorry, I don't mean to-," Jemma shushed him quickly,

"Fitz, there's no need to apologise," she assured him, laying her head on his shoulder. A few moment of comfortable silence passed before she spoke again.

"Sometimes I think about what our lives would be like if we had never stepped onto this plane in the first place. But, I really think we are happier here than we've ever been, especially with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s top scientific equipment at our finger tips." Fitz smiled softly at his best friend's words.

"We are going home soon anyway," he reminded her as a content smile appeared on Jemma's face.

"That we are, two whole weeks with no reminders to 'speak English'."

"And a bedroom bigger than a coffin," Fitz laughed, gesturing to the space around them. Jemma squeezed his hand,

"Get some sleep Fitz," she said softly before leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Thanks Jem," he replied standing up and walking over to the door, Fitz turned around once more to give his partner a smile before he left.

"Two weeks," Jemma whispered, looking up at him from the bed,

"Two weeks," Fitz replies with a smile before sliding the bunk door shut.

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Hope it wasn't too terrible, thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it :)


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